Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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