No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
