The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
