Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
