We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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