perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
