What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
