matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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