so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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