and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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