Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i drank out of a bidet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
