It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
