chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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