You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
