she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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