Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
