i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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