Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
