oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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