Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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