i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
