Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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