ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
