he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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