he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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