You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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