I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
