Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
