Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
