I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
