bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
