i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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