What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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