i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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