this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
