My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
