did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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