Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need moral support for this bender
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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