Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
