The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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