Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
