can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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