My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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