i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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