You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
