I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
