it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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