i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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