u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
