just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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