I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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