Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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