One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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