I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
