Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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