P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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