totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
