I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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