I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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