i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
