He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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