mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
