She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
