i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
