she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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