listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
