i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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