i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
