i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
